Captain Douglass Mitchell's Adventure
by mitchell.douglass2003
Summary: Captain Douglass Mitchell is the captain of a starship, he embarks on an epic journey to the planet of "EQU-357R14" and attempts to "romance" all the ponies. (THIS IS A WORK IN PROGRESS, IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE IT THEN CLICK THE "X" IN THE CORNER TO LEAVE THIS PAGE THANK YOU)
1. Intro-duction

Chapter 1: Intro-duction  
My nanme is Captain Douglas Mitchell of the USSR Enterprice BBC-1488 and today i was going on the mission to a planet of EQU-357R14. The starship fleets consists of Captain Douglas Mitchell (WHO WAS REALLY COOL AND EVERYONE LIKED HIM BECAUSE HE HAD BIGGEST PENIS EVER), Captain Sporck (HE WAS SMART AND COOL BUT NOT AS COOL OR SMART AS CAPTAIN DOUGLAS MITCHELL), Captain Leo Mccory (HE IS VERY GOOD AT SCIENCE AND BEING SMART, ALMOST AS SMART AND AT GOOD AT SCIENCE AS CAPTAIN MITCHELL BUT MAYBE NOT), Captain sockty (HE BEAMS UP AND DOWN PEOPLE), Captain solo (HE IS A RETARDED ASIAN WHO CANT SEE ANYTHING BECAUSE HIS EYES ARE SO SMALL HE KEEPS BUMPING INTO EVERYTHING SERIOUSLY I DON'T KNOW WHY HE IS ON A SPACESHIP IF HE CANT EVEN SEE), Captain Alex (WHO IS A MASSIVE RETARD), Captain Jerkoff (HE IS REALLY RUSSIAN AND HE LIKES TO LIKE COMMUNISM), aptain christtine charpel (WHO HAD BIG BOOBIES), Captain Ohora (WHO IS GOOD AT BEING BLACK AND RUNNING AND TALKING ON THE PHONE AND SHE DOESN'T HAVE BIG BOOBIES LIKE CAPTAIN CHRISTTINE CHARPEL) (BUTNOT CAPTAIN PICARD BECAUSE THE NEW STAR TREK IS GAY AND NO ONE LIKES IT AND EVERYONE WHO DOES LIKE IT IS A GAY RETARD AND THE ORIGINAL START REK IS WAY BETTER AND YOU SHOULD LIKE IT WAY BETTER THAN THAT GAY RETARD SHOW NEW STAR TREK). Everyone was on the starship, like a bunch of cats eating chicken nuggets and fries at the mcdonalds, because they are all are like cats because they are all mammals except for mr sporck who i dont know if he is a cat that likes the mcdonalds food. Captain Douglass Mitchell (I AM THAT MAN) was on the ship with everyone else like I said early, and he was vocalizing to Captain Sporck and Captain Solo and Captain Sockty. "WHAT IS THAT PLANET" I murmured to Captain Solo. "I DONTU KNOWRU WHAT THAT PRANET ISH BING BONG CHING CHONG" Captain Solo said in a retard voice because he didn't know how to speak English properly because he is a retarded Asian that is from china. Captain Sprock correct Captain solo and said that the planet is EQU-357R14 or "Equestria" if you want to say it in English but Captain solo cant do that because he is a retard chinese. Captain Douglas Mitchell said "WELL WHAT IS ON THAT PLANET". Captain solo replied "CHING CHONG DING DONG I DONTU KNOWRU BECAUSEU I AM A RETARDED ASIAN". Captain Sporck replied "Maybe you shouldn't speak because you are a retarded Asian. Anyway that planet is inhabented by creatures called horses". Captain Douglass Mitchell replied "UMM ACTUALLY THEIR CALLED PONIES". Captain Sporck replied "Hey how did you know that because you don't know what the planet is" Captain Douglas Mitchell replied "BECAUSE I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ALL THE PONIES!"


	2. Getting ready to go to EQU-357R14

Chapter 2: Getting ready to go to EQU-357R14  
"SEX? WITH ALL OF THE PONIES?" replied everyone that was on the starship at the same time like it was a crowded town hall where everyone was angry because the mayor of the town made a BAD decision about defunding spending for the arts and school (and that means there is no more drama club so I don't know what to do afterschool on tuesdays and wednesdays and thursdays :V). "YES!" I replied "SEX WITH ALL THE PONIES". Leo Mccory replied "UHHH ACCORDING TO MY CALCULATIONS, THAT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE" Captain Mccory replied because he was so smart. "I DON'T CARE BECAUSE YOU ARE A NERD" Captain Mitchell replied because he was right, although he was super smart (but not as smart as me) mccory was a MASSIVE nerd that no one liked and everyone bullied him because he wasn't as cool as captain Mitchell but they still did not bully him as much as they bullied captain solo because he is a retard asian. Captain Leonard Mccory replied "EVEN ALL THE BOY PONIES?". "YES" I replied "EVEN ALL THE BOY PONIES". Mccory redid his calculations, like someone trying to solve an pre-algebra problem that is really hard but fourth period is almost over so you need to finish the problem to finish your test, and replied "WELL WITH ALL THE BOY PONIES THAT WOULD BE DOUBLE IMPOSSIBLE!". "SHUT UP!" everyone replied because they didn't care about what this nerd had to say. Captain Jerkoff replied "нднд ЧОцЯ бдЧ" because he wanted to have SEX with all of the ponies EVEN the BOY ones so he was GAY. "WELL ACTUALLY THAT IS NOT GAY BECAUSE I ALSO WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ALL THE GIRL PONIES SO THAT WOULD MEAN IM BISEXUAL BUT EVEN IF I WAS GAY (WHICH IM NOT) YOU SHOULD STILL TOLERATE EVERYONE NO MATTER IF THEY LIKE GIRL OR BOY PONIES AND IT IS VERY MEAN TO LAUGH AT PEOPLE FOR NOT CONFORMING TO THE STRAIGHT SOCIETY THAT YOU MADE" Captain Mitchell replied because he was so angered about people messing up which sexual orientation he was. That dumb Slavic BITCH was absolutely wordless, he knew that he was wrong to make fun of people for their sexual orientation. Captain solo replied "IFU YOU DONTU CAREU WHAT ORIENTATION PEEPR ARE DEN WHYU DO YOU MAKEU FUNU OFU ME BEING ORIENTAR." he said in a retard voice because he didn't know how to speak properly because he was a retard asian. Everyone ignored captain solo because they didn't understand what he said. Captain Sockty replied "I CAN BEAM YOU DOWN TO EQU-357R1A." Captain Mitchell replied "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY". But captain Sockty replied "BUT…. YOU CANT GO ALONE, YOU NEED TO BRING SOME PEOPLE WITH YOU". Captain Mitchell replied "I WILL BRING CAPTAIN SPORCK BECAUSE HE IS SMART AND COOL SO HE CAN BE MY WINGMEN WHEN I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ALL THE PONYS, AND I WILL BRING CAPTAIN CHRISTTINE CHARPEL BECAUSE SHE HAS BIG BOOBIES AND IS HOT." Captain Christtine Charpel and Captain Sporck replied that they agreed to go with Captain Mitchell. Captain Alex replied "WAIIIIIIIIT" Captain Alex replied "I WANT TO GO WITH YOU". Captain Douglass Mitchell replied that he was reluctant to allow Captain Alex to go with him because he was mean and a gay retard but not as retarded or as gay as captain solo because he was a massive retard that could see anything like a bat that wants to get home but he cant get home because bats cant see. Captain Douglass Mitchell and Captain Sporck and Captain Christtine Charpel and Captain Alex were packing up all of their stuff, like a rat that is burrowing into the ground for hibernation for winter, for the expedition that a waited them. But captain alex packed a GUN.


	3. EQU-357R14

Chapter 3: EQU-357R14  
"BEAM ME DOWN SOCKTY." Said everyone that was going to go to EQU-357R14 at the same time because they thought it would be cool but it was actually retarded mainly because alex said it too and nobody likes alex and I think he should just kill himself because he bullies me about liking star trek everyday and I think if he DID watch star trek he would watch the NEW ONES because he is a retard, anyways. So they get down to EQU-357R14 and they are greated by a loud "HELLO from all of the ponies at the same time like they are a bunch of the people in the musical that are singing the song from the musical "Anything Goes" but I was sad because I didn't get the lead part in the musical song. Princess Celestia walked up to the four captains and said "WHICH ONE OF YOU IS IN CHARGE HERE?". Captain alex started to speak up but celestia cut him off and said that he looks like a gay retard so that there is no way he could be the leader. "I AM" I shouted at the top of my lungs like someone who is screaming after they got into a car crash and all of their children died (lol). "AND AS CAPTAIN OF THESE IDIOTS, I DEMOTE ALEX TO RANK PRIVATE FOR INSUBORDINATION" Captain Mitchell said at the top of his lungs still like the car crash. "WHAT THE HECK I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING" Replied PRIVATE Alex. All the ponies laughed at him because he was now only a private instead of being a captain like the rest of the people that were going down to EQU357R14. Princess Celestia said "Captain Mitchell im going to need you to come down to my palace, we must need have a discussion to be." Princess Celestia led me to the the castle of equestria where there were a lots of ponies, like apple jack or rainbow dash or pinky pie or flutershy or rarity or twilite sparkle, they were all there having sex like a bunch of rabbits that have sex. Celestia lead me to her throne room like someone that was playing marco polo because they needed to get to the other person by saying marco and then they say polo but that didn't happen because I was just following the celestia. So she leads captain douglass to her throne and she says "sense you are the leader of the starship BBC-1488 I want you to KILL discord because he is a mean retard and the only retard that is a bigger retard than him is Captain Alex because he is retarded and Captain picard because no one likes the new star trek." I replied "KILL DISCORD HOW AM I GOING TO ACHIEVE THAT ACCOMPLISHMENT".


	4. The spaceship called BBC-1488

Chapter 4: The spaceship called BBC-1488  
Back on the space ship without Captain Douglass Mitchell or Captain Sporck or Captain Christtine Charpel or Captain Alex without them. Captain Sockty was minding his own business when Captain Solo walked up and said "HERRO BING BONG CHING CHONG DING DONG WHATU ARE YOU DOINGU" said the basically crippled retard Chinese that isn't actually crippled but he might as well be since he is almost as retarded but not as retarded as captain alex who was no longer on the spaceship but rather on the planet EQU-357R14 with captain Mitchell and captain sporck and captain christtine charpel but just because alex isn't on the planet doesn't mean that he isnt retarded just that he isnt on the spaceship because he is still a retard. Captain Sockty was actually on a skype call with the KKK since he was actually a racist which is not cool to be racist and all racists need to die. Captain sockty quickly did a hitler arm thing and quickly closed out of the skype call so captain solo didn't see but what captain sockty didn't know was that captain solo actually saw him with the kkk even though captain sockty thought he didn't see. Captain solo was shocked to see that captain sockty was in the kkk because he didn't know that he was a racist before he saw the skype chat that he was in with the kkk. Captain solo said "I DIDN'T KNOWRU U WEREU IN THE KHING KHONG KRUB" is what captain solo said because he was such a retard that he thought that the kkk stood for the khing khong klub even though it stood for the ku klux klan and not the khing khong klub. Captain solo ran off to the living quarters on the space ship so he could go tell captain ohora that he found captain sockty on the kkk website. Captain solo ran in and to his surprise he found captain leonard mccory and captain ohora having sex on eachother. But that wasn't the suprising part the suprising part was that captain ohora had a PENIS. Captain solo was so confused when he saw them having sex, he didn't know if it was gay since captain ohora was having sex with a man but she was actually a man but she still had boobies. Captain solo tried to ignore this and he said "I SAWU CAPTAIN SOCKTY ON THE KHING KHONG KRUB WEBSITE". Captain ohora tried to understand this retard Asian but she didn't know what the khing khong klub was so she smacked her lips and replied "UMMM SUGAH WUZ DAT". Captain leonard mccory stooped having the sex he was having and said "I think he means the ku klux klan". Captain ohora replied "OHHHH HELLLLLLLL NAW". Captain ohora stopped having the sex and had her penis (or his penis because idk if traps are men or not because they have a penis but if they are a man then traps would be gay because its two men having sex, but however traps are NOT gay so I think that means it is a woman but if it was a woman then it would have a vagina instead of a penis which is what it has, but because traps are not gay im going to refer to captain ohora as a woman for the rest of this story even though she has a penis instead of a vagina.) flopping around because she did not put on any clothes and it was really sexy like it was a summer in florida because it is really hot and it makes it hard to do activities like going to the beach or playing a game of sports or running in the outside doors because of how hot it is. So anyways she runs up to captain leonard mccory and says "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!" again because she is really black. Captain leonard mccory said "what are you blacking about" because he was a racist in the kkk (THE KLU KLUX KLAN, NOT THE KHING KHONG KLUB). Captain ohora says "WHA CHU MEAN WUH AM I BLACKING BOU, YOU KNOW WUH IM TALKIN BOU." Mr ching chong himself (CAPTAIN SOLO) chased after ohora said "WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITUUUUUUUU DO NOTUUUUUUUUUUUU TELLU HIMUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" in slow motion because it was really dramatic and it sounded cool in his head but it was actually retarded and he looked like a retard for making the time slow but that didn't matter that people thought it was retarded because he already looked like a retard because he is a retard Asian and also he didn't want captain leonard mccory to know that they know because then he would hate them because they are a retard Asian and a retard black and a retard slav and a retard Scottish person (I don't know the proper term for Scottish people). So captain solo accidentally bumps into the control panels on the ship while he was trying to jump to save captain ohora from saying that leonard mccory is in the kkk because he is a retard Asian and he couldn't see where the control panels were because his eyes are so small instead of the eyes of the other captains on the ship. The ship starts beeping all around the ship like a bunch of birds that are chirping in the mourning even though it is really annoying and every that is trying to sleep is woken up by these annoying birds and then they go and poop on your dads car so he yells at you even though its not my poop it's the birds. The ship says "WARNING YOU ARE GOING TO CRASH THE SHIP BECAUSE YOU ARE A RETARD AND BUMPED INTO THE CONTROL PANELS LIKE A RETARD, RETARD". "OH NO" everyone screamed at once because they were going to die except for captain leonard mccory because he was glad that all of the minoritys were going to die because he was a racist that was in the kkk, not the khing khong klub, but the klu klux klan. The ship crashes into EQU-357R14 and everyone thought that everyone died, but there was one that survived, one certain retard Chinese man.


End file.
